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I'll Be The Judge of That

I want to start off by thanking you all for your response to my previous blog. Falling over myself with gratitude and appreciation for all of those who took the time to read and reach out, your kindness means more than you'll ever know! Getting all my bits out (not physically) felt so bloody good and hearing how I have touched and inspired many others to reflect on themselves felt even better.

What comes with creating a well received post however, is the pressure of "where the hell do I go next?" Many a nights over the period of April had I sat in front of the laptop screen, searching my mind for a follow up. Many a night the screen got closed with not a single word written. "I' will do one at some point" I told myself, "Not tonight, maybe at the weekend" where procrastination and distractions would usually win. Weeks and weeks have now gone by, all spent just continually putting it off.

It's been an internal battle to get to this stage. Until I sat down one day and decided to turn inwards for some sort of direction. Meditation hasn't let me down yet, and this time was no different. I was able to see clearly the blocks which were keeping me from moving forward. These blocks were in the form of feelings, feelings of anxiety and worry. Feelings of complete fear. I was scared.

"But what have you got to be scared of?" I hear you cry. This may seem like an obvious thing to ask now, but at the time it was completely blurred by everyone's least favourite house guest; the inner critic. This inner critic was focusing my thoughts on old fear based stories of not feeling good enough, and what have we learnt about thoughts from previous posts? They create our feelings, which then in turn create our reactions. I was allowing my inner critic to tell me things like "This one won't be as good as the last one. No one will read the next one. No one cares. This one will be total shite" to name a few. I had chosen to listen to these thoughts which inevitably held be back from doing something I actually really wanted to do, which was to write another blog post.

Once I brought my awareness to these limiting thoughts, I was able to turn the microscope up and look a bit deeper. These thoughts could very well turn out to be possible, the next post may not be as well received as the last one, people might not read it, it might be total shite! But what about that was holding me back? And then it hit me as if from nowhere; the fear of being judged. Eureka!

Hands up if that's just been a wee lightbulb moment for you too?

Judgement is something that we all think about, whether we're wondering if people are judging us, or we're the one's doing the judging ourselves about other people. The fear of being judged is one of the main factors that holds us back from doing the things we want to do. Having realised this and reflecting back, it's been a common theme throughout my life and can now easily pinpoint times where this has been true. Sadly, too often.

I've been allowing this fear to make my decisions for as long as I can remember "What will people think? What will people say? What if they judge me?" In reality, WHO CARES? Who cares if such and such doesn't like my outfit? Who cares if they don't agree? Who cares if some sweaty guy in the gym internally criticises as I lose my form on rep number 5 of that set of deadlifts? Who cares if I skip the gym all together cause I quite simply cannot be fucked? Who cares if that photo only got a certain amount of likes? Who cares if someone makes comments about me not drinking or going home early? Who cares if people don't like this blog post? Who cares if people don't think I can make a successful career from being a coach? Who cares?? Certainly not me anymore! It's absolutely none of my business what anyone else thinks.

The funny thing is as well, is that 9/10, we're probably not even being judged, no one is thinking anything about you because, quite frankly, they've got their own shit going on and you are not that important in anyone else's mind. We've created this story in our own minds and have chosen to believe it's true. And even if it did turn out to be true, how does someone else's thought stop you? It doesn't and it shouldn't. You make decisions for you, no one else. As long as you're feeling good in yourself, doing what you love and making yourself proud, then who cares? Your judgement of someone defines you, not the person you are judging.

Who here is guilty of judging others? Don't be shy, or ashamed. We all do it. Whether that's consciously or not, we do. We live in a society which feeds off people judging and comparing each other; from TV shows, to opposing political views and opinions, to Instagram feeds and even in workplaces. Try catch yourself next time you internally judge someone, whether that's when you pass someone on the street, scrolling on social media or in a conversation with a loved one, bring this awareness and ask yourself "what am I gaining from this judgement?" I'm sure you'll find more often than not, that the answer is absolutely nothing. Then next time you find yourself holding back from doing something through the worry that you'll be judged for it, ask yourself "what if I did it anyway?" We can't control other's judgement, but we can control our own thoughts and actions regardless of any judgement.

Through surrendering my fear of being judged and accepting that whether or not it is true, has allowed me to finally write another post. It has allowed me to listen back to my meditation recordings and post online for feedback (let me know if you'd be keen to have a listen and I can send on over) It has strengthened my belief in myself to do everything I want to do. It has gave me more confidence to be more authentically "me" no matter what anyone else thinks.

I encourage you to reflect on judgement in your own life and see where it has played a part. Through bringing our awareness to what limits us, we can then choose to create a more liberating belief system about ourselves and others and see where that takes us.

A list of some of things I am no longer holding myself back from due to the fear of judgement -

- Being honest with myself and to others about how I feel and what I want

- Posting regularly on the Positive Pants Instagram and blog

- Create a Positive Pants podcast

- Post meditations online

- Telling the world of my certainty of creating the life I desire;

  • Having my own successful coaching business, focusing on life, mindset, mindfulness, transformation, spirituality and FUN. Running 1:1 sessions, group programmes, events/workshops, public speaking, an app, a book, courses

  • Making a positive impact by spreading a message of love over fear

  • Travelling and exploring the world (when Covid allows of course)

  • Having freedom to schedule work around my schedule, not the other way around, and perusing my hobbies of photography, music (ukulele and singing), cooking, learning, trying new things and exercise

  • Connecting with different people all over the world

- Exercising when I want to and eating what I want when I want to because it makes me feel good, not because of how I think I "should" look

- Choosing when/if I want to consume alcohol

- Saying "I love you" loud and often, to myself and to those around me

You've got no one to impress but yourself. I'm impressed with my open and honest post and that's good enough for me! Because I am good enough and so are you.

Keep on keeping on,

Nico X

P.s. I love Judge Judy, only she can judge me xxx

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